Monday, July 11, 2011

Amazing Generosity

Twelve days ago I posted a blog about a former co worker of my husbands who passed away in a tragic car accident caused by a semi truck driver that didn't realize he was stopping due to a traffic jam and going 65 mph slammed right into him. The truck driver was driving while impaired, had possession of methadone, possession of marijuana, and possession of drug paraphernalia.My husband told me today that the state of NC has said this is the worst accident in history in this state. Because of this careless person, A husband, a father to three children, a son and many more titles he carried has been taken far to soon.I was instantly touched by this and still tear up daily thinking about the situation. Today I found out that him and his wife had been married for SEVENTEEN years! I just couldnt imagne loosing my best friend. When I wrote the first blog post about the accident I said I was taking donations to help the family with bills,a grocery gift card, and to get the kids something. I had fifteen people make a donation that lead me to raise $300.00 for John's family!!! With the amazing help from these people I was able to pay $50.00 towards their next electric bill (the electric company said the next statement was Friday so perfect timing!), buy a $185.00 grocery gift card, get the basic school supplies for the twins going into second grade and purchase some goodies for the kids!
Tonight I went over to deliver the goodies for her. As we turned on her street my husband told me that the twins call their dad's phone every night to hear his voice. At that moment of course tears were coming! I had to sit in the driveway for a few minutes to compose my self before I walked into her house. Once we got in, there were quite a few people there so I didn't want to barge in on her company for to long. When I went to walk and get the huge bag of stuff to give her, the tears just started flowing. I told myself not to cry but of course couldn't help it given the situation!! Oh my heart just breaks for them. As I started showing her the kids goodies, she started to cry, the look on her face was indescribable as she was surprised. After I showed her all the kids goodies I told her that I had paid $50 towards her next electric bill and handed her the envelope with the grocery gift cards in it. I of course told her about the fifteen amazing people that helped me make this happen and she told me to tell each of you THANK YOU! Because of your generosity you impacted a life tonight that you didn't even know. A life that could have used a little smile tonight and you helped me deliver that smile! Here are the goodies I purchased along with the $50.00 towards her electric bill.

This is for the twelve year old-her mom said she loves B&BW!

This was for the seven year old twin boy

This was for the seven year old twin girl

I looked at the school supply list at the store and picked up the majority for her for the twins

Grocery gift cards

I want to send a HUGE thanks to everyone who prayed for this family! I know from my own personal struggle with my brothers death that nothing brought me out of my depression and sadness except prayers to God.Prayers area amazing and I thank you for thinking of this family! When I was purchasing all of these different items I had the greatest feeling inside of me. It felt so great to help this family. As we were shopping my little boy Logan kept saying, mommy can we get this present for the kids that lost their daddy. I was happy to have him be apart of this so he could learn compassion and caring. I was amazed that he didn't pick out one toy for himself but all for the kids. Each night we have added them to our prayers before bed. I want to send a HUGE thanks to those who could financially help:
Courtney Jozsa
Kristi Demeree
Cristina Smith
Joyanna Silverstein
Flo Ward
June Resler
Tiffany Todd
Jennifer Elwell
Chrissy Bengel
Eunice Henmen
Bryan Borsum
Ashley Hentges
Elyse Hurley
Jan Henderson and
Tara Burho

Friday, July 1, 2011

A life gone in a second...

This morning when I called my husband to chat he informed me that a guy he used to work with passed away in a horrible car crash yesterday afternoon. With out going into much detail I looked up the crash on local news sites. Little did I know it was this tragic and bad...
This photo is of his red ford truck smashed against the semi truck that hit him. I don't need to go into how bad it was because you can see in the picture just how bad it was. I met John once last Christmas Eve when he came over with another guy from my husbands work to ride dirt bikes and his four wheeler. He was a very nice guy. He had three children that I believe are ages 4 and twins that are 7. My heart just breaks for his family. As almost every blog post I write, I always talk about my brothers passing. I know the extreme pain, and heartache they are going through. My brother isn't replaceable, and neither is their dad. Three young kids that's now have to grow up with out their father. Why???!! Because a semi truck driver didn't realize he was stopping due to a traffic jam and going 65 mph slammed right into him. The truck driver was driving while impaired, had possession of methadone, possession of marijuana, and possession of drug paraphernalia. A state trooper at the scene said it was one of the worst accidents he has ever seen especially with so many cars involved. My husbands former co-worker was not the only one killed. He killed two others that were involved. These three kids thought their daddy was on his way home and didn't know they would never get to see him again. I just don't understand why people have to drink and drive and drive under the influence of drugs, let alone do drugs in general!
I have never met John's wife before, or his three children. Knowing the pain I have went through from my brothers death I can't help but have them on my mind ever since I found out. I thought loosing my brother was tuff. I thought going back to work was tuff. I thought breathing was unfair if he couldn't... Imagine how his wife feels who now carries the pain of loosing her husband and the father of her three kids who wont get to have their daddy anymore. Imagine explaining to your children that daddy isn't coming home, that he has gone home to Heaven. It doesn't matter if I have never met her or not, I feel in my heart I need to help her. I would like to set up a donation for his family. If every person who reads this, shares this, and they each donate $5, we can help this Mom that is now a Widow as much as possible. With a family used to two incomes, and raising three small children I want to help her as much as possible. With all the money I raise, I would like to buy her grocery gift cards, I would like to buy the kids something, and hopefully pay at least one of her major bills (electric or water) for a month. Even helping her this little, to her it will be BIG. After my brother passed away, we had people come in our home we hadn't seen in YEARS, DECADES! They brought us groceries, dinners that lasted forever, they cleaned..and we didn't ask for anything. When you go through this pain, and shock you don't think of any of those things. In fact, you could care less if you eat daily...Most of the time you don't want to eat! I ask that you please consider helping this family. I can promise you, that every single donation will be contributed to her. I always said that God will give me a purpose through my pain, helping others who loose a loved one. Any donation counts, large or small and it is ALL greatly appreciated. If you cant donate, I ask that you please pray for this family. For his children. Please pray that they will find peace in their heart.

TO make a donation you can donate via pay pal to email or send a check to Kristin Cole 1471 Remington Lane NW concord nc 28027. Either way you send it can you please note on their that it is for this cause. I will personally send you a thank you card with a receipt of all the bills, grocery gift cards that I have bought. Thank you in advance!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Your 4 year vision...

Tonight is a sleepless night. For no reason, just cant fall asleep. Whats a girl to do past midnight and cant sleep? Computer ofcourse! No editing for this mommy tonight but a glance through pictures. No certian folder just wanted to look at pictures. I came across my album from Sept 2008. Our trip to Sanibel Island for my brothers one year anniversary of his death. My baby was so small, just a little over 5 months when we went. My oldest brother didnt have his awesome gf, my sister was still a single momma to one, and we were all still grieving in many different ways....Ofcourse tears came flowing and thoughts came rushing back and my heart sank to my stomach. That year felt like it was a life time. It felt like it was more like 10 years. It was a very slow year. Everyday was filled with tears and heartache that felt like it was growing by the pounds and sitting on my heart. It was a year full of alot of different emotions for me from getting married, getting pregnant, loosing my brother, giving birth, and loosing Josh's grandma. You think a normal pregnant lady is emotional, you should have lived in my house! ;) That first year was L-O-N-G! As I sat and stared at pictures of our trip and then pictures of my brother I thought about the other 2 years and 9 months that have gone by. Where did they go? It doesnt seem like he has been gone for nearly 4 years. It feels like just yesterday I gave birth to Logan, celebrated his first birthday, celebrated his second birthday and boom now we just celebrated his THIRD! Seriously! THREE! I am so lucky to have such a amazing little boy who makes his mommies heart melt in a much different way then it used to 3 years and 9 months ago! I used to go to bed begging God to rewind my life..Now, I get so anxious to wake up, (literally I wake up at 5:45am and fight my body till at least 7am!) and see what God has in store for me that day. My life is so full of joy now! And I can thank Logan for every single peice of that joy! If you would have asked me 7 years and 9 months ago what my future would look like in four years, I wouldnt have said I would be dealing with a loss of my brother. If you would have asked me 3 years 9 months ago where I would be in four years I wouldnt have said HAPPY! I most likley would say sad,depressed and still trying to rewind my days back to sept 22 2007. We are never sure what the next day holds, or what our furture four years from now holds...But I do know that I can truley say I trust God for what his plan is for tomorrow,the next day, next year, and so on! I am so happy with where my life is today. It has taken some very bumpy roads and pulled a lot of things in and out of my life but God know why and will guide me! So when you think of four years from now....what do you invision?? It may not end up being what you think...But if you have Faith all will be okay!

Monday, March 21, 2011

If God is for us, who could ever be against us?!

I absoutly LOVE my daily emails from Joel and Victoria Osteen. They give me such a positive start to my day and keep me in focus on what is important in life. One of my favorite songs is Our God is greater by Chris Tomlin. If the song comes on while we are in the car or listening to the christan music channel on the TV you are guaranteed to know it is turned WAY up loud... Listening to that song can turn a bad day into a good day, a good day into a even better day. Knowing that God is with us no matter what happens in our life, money, jobs, housing, death, birth..Anything, He is ALWAYS there for us. Nothing can come between you and God. If you have God on your side no one can stop you. We might not see things happen to be in our way but they are in Christ' way. I am in the process of reading What a husband needs from his wife by Melanie Chitwood. You may hear the title and think oh gosh seriously?! But it is a awesome book! I HIGHLY reccomend it to any wife. In one of the chapters it talks about stop living by our flesh and live to what God wants us to be as a wife. WHOA! I never realized how much I live by MY flesh. I am so used to my habbits. I want to live fully for God and not just in parts of my life. This is a major part of my life im working on now is to stop living by what I think is right. Because even though 100% of the time I think I am, it may not be.

Here is my daily email from Joel and Victoria Osteen that I wanted to share:

What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?”
(Romans 8:31, NLT)

There are many misconceptions about God in the world today. Some people think He’s mad at them, and other’s think He’s keeping a list of all their wrongs. But that isn’t what scripture tells us. Scripture tells us that God is gracious, patient and loving; that He is forgiving and doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve. Scripture tells us that God is for us, and if God is for us, who can be against us?

Think about that for a moment. The same God who created the heavens and earth, the one who spoke the universe into existence and knows everything about you, He is on your side and wants the best for you. I love today’s verse because it is a great reminder that when God is for you, no one can win against you. Not the pain of your past. Not any mistake you’ve made. Not the forces of hell, your worst enemy, a bad economy, a difficult housing market or anything else on this earth.

Today, instead of dwelling on what you’re not, dwell on what He is — He is faithful, He is loving, He is with you and He is for you! And with God on your side, you are headed for victory all the days of your life!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Oh horriable thoughts.....

The past week and a half I can not fall asleep for anything! I lay in bed and constantly think to myself that I might not wake up in the morning. No im not talking about simply rolling out of bed, im talking NEVER wake up! When I was little I used to have horrid fears that my dad would never make it home and I would never get to see him again. ( My parents were divorced and my dad was a over the road driver.) Sometimes I would lay in bed and cry because I was SO afraid that something would happen to him. Now that my brother passed away at such a young age (23) I fear that something is going to happen to me and I wont wake up the next day to my amazing husband and my precious little boy. For the past week or so I just lay there thinking what if i dont wake up? Will Josh know what to do? Will he know when to pay the bills? Will my boys know just how much I loved them? Will Logan replace me with another mommy? I tear up at all those thoughts every night. I have come to a conclusion to help me feel "better" and feel more secure that my boys can live on with out me if something was to happen today,tomorrow, or months from now, that I am going to organize every little thing in our life. Pictures will all be in albums, pictures will be put in frames and displayed, everything will be labled. Now dont get me wrong, I am a VERY organized person as it is but I still dont feel that is enough. I handel pretty much everything in our life as far as bills, budget, grocery shopping, etc. Josh has NO idea how to do any of it and that scares me! He once told me that if something happened to me he wouldnt know what to do when it came to bills etc! He said he didnt even know where I kept them... YIKES! I will write each of my boys a letter that will be sealed tight in my purse until the day something does happen to me. A letter for each of them knowning how much I love them and what I hope for their future. As a mom, and a mom that is SUPER in love with her son, I fear that if I did not make it one day that Logan will grow up not remembering me, or replacing me with a new mommy, or that everything I have taught him will go down the drain. Out of all my worries, leaving my son is by far the biggest fear I have. Writting letters to your loved ones incase you dont make it one day is not anything I ever wanted to do.. I hope no one ever wants to or enjoys it but it is deffiently something that will make me feel more comfotorable if something is to happen to me before Logan is at a age to understand the world and take care of things for himself. My goal is to have everything done by the end of March and each day until then and every day after that I pray that God lets me wake up each day to watch my son grow. I will blog some images after I finish all my organization!

I know you may be thinking I am crazy for even thinking about this but have you ever stepped back and thought... What if I am not here tomorrow?

Monday, February 14, 2011

careful planning or hurry and scurry??

Every day I get "today's word with Joel Osteen"emails. Some days they don't go with what I need to hear that day but most of the time they do. Other times I read them and get re encouraged to do what I already do. This was one of those re encouragement ones. Each night, or if I fail to do it the night before, each morning I make a to do list. My list include all from cleaning details, activities to do with Logan, what we are doing for learning activities that day, places to go, and just the simplest other things. But they keep me on track to do what I need for that day and also to organize our day to give Logan a great day too! I just love reading Joel Osteen's daily emails. Here is the one to go with my post.....

It’s amazing how taking a few minutes at the start of each day to plan and set your thoughts in the right direction can help you get ahead and empower you to accomplish so much more.But too often, people get so caught up in the activity of life that they tend to just “go with the flow” instead. Of course, I’m not saying we shouldn't be flexible, but when it comes to your life, you should be the one setting the flow. Of course, unexpected things happen. Our days won’t always go according to plan, but if you’ll take time each day to set your heart and mind in the right direction, you’ll be equipped for whatever comes your way! Today I encourage you, make make plans to start your day right and set your thoughts in the right direction.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Some FAB blogs!

Here are some blogs I thought you might enjoy!

I love, love, love this blog this couple created while re-doing their first home. They have now moved to a new home and are starting all over with that one!

This blog has a mix of things. I have found a TON of ideas off of here. There are a lot of her ideas I am re creating for our upcoming parties!

This is a great site that has a blog as well for christian homeschooling moms

This site is great for christian parenting

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

To love a child

Every day when I look at Logan I see such a pure life. His little body and soul are so clean. Have you ever heard the song, (i may be wrong with the title) in my arms? It's a christan song about a mom loving her son and protecting him from the world. Everytime I hear that song it just reminds me of how important it is to love your child and protect them. They come into this world not knowing what evil is out there. Sadly one day they will realize that this world we call home is not pure like what he thought when he was younger. He will find that people lie, steal, hurt, abuse, and not believe in God, the creater of Heaven and Earth and who gave us life.

I said in my last post how I wake up everyday knowing I can't take that day for granted. Sometimes I roll out of bed and it's not the first thing that pops in my mind but I am later reminded when I slowly start to loose patience, like every mom now and then, and I step back and realize what im doing. Sure our children will push our buttons, do things they arnt suppose to and act in ways we never wished for them too! When those things happen to you what do you do? How do you react? Do you spank, yell, cuss, walk away and take a break, calmly have a talk with your child and embrace them? When I was pregnant I knew that I wanted to show Logan love in every situation. Doesn't matter how big or bad it might be. Yes there are times where I raise my voice and realize it and calm it down but for the most part I try to explain to him why it upset us, why he got in trouble, what he's doing wrong etc. I do spank his hand (not much anymore) if he does something repeatdly. When I say spank, its more of a tap but enough to get his attetion. When I think of parents who beat the life out of their children it upsets me so bad. What does it do for that child? Do they really think that is going to make them listen better? Okay ya, maybe for the hour or so that they hurt from it and remember it but most likley it will start to build up in them and they will start to act out because they are so angry at you for hurting them. EVERY child deserves love. When you look at all the children who do act out, look at the childhood they have/had. It wasn't good was it? And most who talk about it will tell you they didnt feel loved. LOVE is a major roll in being a parent in my eyes. You are also your childs first rolemodel so why not set the best example for them. So it takes work!?! Who's not willing to work for creating a child into a loving man/woman.
I just can't help but look at Logan and fall all over again in love with him each and every day. It breaks my heart that one day he will see the truth about what life holds now a days and I pray that God guides me as a parent in the right direction in raising Logan to be a outstanding man when he gets older and know whats right from wrong. I dont doubt that he will do things that are wrong or that he will never upset me. All I can do is pray for Josh and I in being his parents and for Logan that we all stay on the right path in life.
You are your childs protection from the storm, the shelter from the wind. Why wait for the storm to hit when you can start preparing now? If you are a mom, you would love to listen to the song I mentioned up top. :)

Today I wish my brother in Heaven a happy 27th birthday. Life isn't the same with out him. I am so thankful for the wonderful years I had with him! xoxo

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Let's begin!

Well I told myself I wanted to start a "my life" blog in the new year. Here I am, 2 months late! :p I had such relief when I blogged after my brother passed away that I decided I should start a my life blog and write about my day's, my thoughts, my parenting and whatever else comes to my finger tips! At some points I may not make sence, or be potically correct but that's my life! I hope you enjoy reading my blog in whatever brings you here but I'm glad you came. So here it goes.....!

Where to begin? Most everyone in my life knows I lost my 23 year old brother when I was 20, 8 weeks pregnant and a newlywed to my highschool sweetheart. Let me just tell you I waited my ENTIRE life to become a wife and mommy so at this point in my life I was BEYOND excited, happy, and blessed. Then Sept 22nd 2007 came around and turned my life upside down. I became severly depressed, extremely saddened, hibernated in my house, and just overall shut down my life it felt like. All I could do was cry it seemed. I shut everyone out. After months of crying every night, and loosing hope that things would get better I was lossed on who to turn to. I had a amazing Pastor that guided me every step but I still felt I needed more.

When I was growing up, I knew God, I believed in God but I didn't live by God. I was sadly the typical American that "knew" God but lived life my way not God's way. Why did I need to change my way's? I had a great life so why not think my way was perfect?!? It was at the point of being lost in my life and doing it my way that I finally turned to God to become more a part of my life. To pick me up with his loving hands and help me recover from a death I never thought I would recover from. I began to listen to Christan music and find my self listening to mostly nothing but, reading Christian marriage books because the fact was my marriage was falling apart when it had just begun due to my depression. I began to pray about every thing. I begged God to help me. To pull me out of what I was going through because even though the personal standing beside me couldn't tell but I was loosing myself. I was loosing my life to saddness and depression. All while carrying my amazing son. (insert tears now) I knew I couldn't keep going on with so much weight and stress on me of my "new" life with out my brother while trying to carry a healty child.

I knew that I was lucky to get pregnant within the first month of trying with Logan but it wasnt until my brother passed away that I learned I was carrying my miracle child. Three things got my through my recovery; God, Pastor Brian, and my amazing Logan. If I wasn't pregnant I'm not sure where I would be, what I would have done, or how I would have recovered. But it was at this point that I knew God had blessed me with this amazing child at the right time. God knows our life and the plan he has for us. We may not see what's coming, what to expect, or even understand when he does change our life but all I know is God is ALWAYS right. Ofcourse we arn't going to understand when he takes our loved ones from us, or let's things in our life happen that we dont think should but he has a plan and we have to trust Him.

Now my precious Logan is almost three and I couldn't be happier in my life and where I am today. I am fully recovered and yes I say that, (i'd love to shout it) in a wonderful happy voice because I am SOOO happy to be out of such emotions and hurt and be happy for my brother. After all he is living life better than we are right?! He doesn't have to live in a world full of hate, hurt, crime, abuse, and everything else this world brings. They say Heaven is our home and this life WE call life is temporary. Three weeks ago I gave my entire life to God. Having God in my life has made such a difference in me, for the better ofcourse. It's a feeling you can't describe. It's a feeling of constant comfort and love thats for sure.

I am so happy to be a loving mommy to a wonderful and most perfect (in my eyes) little angel I know God sent me. I roll out of bed everyday knowing I CAN'T take this day for granted because I know for a fact we dont know what that day holds. I love my son more than anyone will ever know and I can't wait for the day he knows just how special he is to me! I am so lucky to have a husband that supports us and gives me the gift to stay home with Logan and give him the life I have always dreamed of. All I ever wanted in life is what I have now, minus my brother being gone. I believe I had to go through so much pain and heartache to learn and grow as a person. To become a better person and to learn that I can't live MY way anymore. (yes you have no idea how hard it was to give up my life and hand it to God because I am Kristin, I think eveything I say is right!) ;)

Today we are on our way to FL (9 hour road trip that started at 4am). I had to drive first because my hubby can't see well at all when it's dark and pouring rain too! While I was driving (note that my brother who is gone home birthday is this Tuesday) and my two boys were softly snoring ;) I began to think about all this situation and how greatful for ALL that God has done for my life.

My brother's birthday is on Tuesday and as I drove and heard my boys lightly snoring I thought about how happy I am for my brother. That he lived a great life, accomplished more than I could have ever ( he was a genius), and is now living a perfect life. Why shouldn't I be happy for him? I couldn't have thought this way 2 years ago.I would have been sad all day and dwelled on the fact that he isnt here. But I have learned that will get me no where. I am thankful for my amazing family and siblings that are still with me. I wouldn't trade them for the world. It's amazing the things God puts you through to gain such a life but then again I must trust Him. :)

I believe I have a sole purpose in my life to be a mommy and to hopefully one day help someone through what I went through.

Well there you have it, my long, un-organized post. I hope that you dont take a day for granted. :)