Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Tonight is a sleepless night. For no reason, just cant fall asleep. Whats a girl to do past midnight and cant sleep? Computer ofcourse! No editing for this mommy tonight but a glance through pictures. No certian folder just wanted to look at pictures. I came across my album from Sept 2008. Our trip to Sanibel Island for my brothers one year anniversary of his death. My baby was so small, just a little over 5 months when we went. My oldest brother didnt have his awesome gf, my sister was still a single momma to one, and we were all still grieving in many different ways....Ofcourse tears came flowing and thoughts came rushing back and my heart sank to my stomach. That year felt like it was a life time. It felt like it was more like 10 years. It was a very slow year. Everyday was filled with tears and heartache that felt like it was growing by the pounds and sitting on my heart. It was a year full of alot of different emotions for me from getting married, getting pregnant, loosing my brother, giving birth, and loosing Josh's grandma. You think a normal pregnant lady is emotional, you should have lived in my house! ;) That first year was L-O-N-G! As I sat and stared at pictures of our trip and then pictures of my brother I thought about the other 2 years and 9 months that have gone by. Where did they go? It doesnt seem like he has been gone for nearly 4 years. It feels like just yesterday I gave birth to Logan, celebrated his first birthday, celebrated his second birthday and boom now we just celebrated his THIRD! Seriously! THREE! I am so lucky to have such a amazing little boy who makes his mommies heart melt in a much different way then it used to 3 years and 9 months ago! I used to go to bed begging God to rewind my life..Now, I get so anxious to wake up, (literally I wake up at 5:45am and fight my body till at least 7am!) and see what God has in store for me that day. My life is so full of joy now! And I can thank Logan for every single peice of that joy! If you would have asked me 7 years and 9 months ago what my future would look like in four years, I wouldnt have said I would be dealing with a loss of my brother. If you would have asked me 3 years 9 months ago where I would be in four years I wouldnt have said HAPPY! I most likley would say sad,depressed and still trying to rewind my days back to sept 22 2007. We are never sure what the next day holds, or what our furture four years from now holds...But I do know that I can truley say I trust God for what his plan is for tomorrow,the next day, next year, and so on! I am so happy with where my life is today. It has taken some very bumpy roads and pulled a lot of things in and out of my life but God know why and will guide me! So when you think of four years from now....what do you invision?? It may not end up being what you think...But if you have Faith all will be okay!